


The One That Got Away

by txmlinsonw



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I love Negan, I swear this is too sad, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23431198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txmlinsonw/pseuds/txmlinsonw
Summary: Negan lost her and decides to write her a letter.
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead) & You, Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Character(s), Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s), Negan (Walking Dead)/You
Kudos: 15





	The One That Got Away

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by The One That Got Away by Katy Perry. This is sad. I cried while proof-reading it. I swear.  
> I hope you like it. Find me in tumblr too as @txmlinsonw

Negan quickly got into his room, slamming the door past him.

It was one of **those** days.

Every little thing would remind him of you. Today, it was that field of medical flowers that you sowed some time ago, just blooming now. Before he even knew it, he was storming by the halls of The Sanctuary, slamming people to the ground, hitting walls with Lucille, ignoring any of his wives who tried to help. He didn’t want anything. He just wanted you back.

He didn’t even know when did he got the scotch out; or when did he start drinking his fifth glass. He didn’t notice because he was too busy smashing everything into the wall, trying to stop the burning pain in his chest as tears attempted to come out. At one point he yelled something, but even himself couldn’t remember what it was.

He remembered what you said once. _**“When I feel like shit, I write it out. I vomit it all in the paper until there’s nothing left in me to vomit into tears.”**_

Was he really going to try it out?

For the hell of it, yes. He got a piece of paper and a pen from his night table, his fingers and vision all blurry due to the alcohol.

_I try not to remember about you, doll._

He wrote first; and he thought it was stupid. Still, somehow; he managed to keep on.

_I try not to think about your existence. It hurts too much to know I lost you._

_In so many ways, you were the only woman that ever got away from me. You were the one who didn’t marry me, the one who didn’t end up in my bed for me to end as if you were some kind of sex toy. You were too proud; you knew your value. You tried to show me and God, I swear I could see it. I just didn’t do shit about it. Baby, I wish I could’ve taken care of you. I wish I could’ve known I had to be there with you, to love you the way you loved me._

_I like to think that, in another life, we’d be together. Don’t know how but fucking Eugene convinced me about it. There’s a million of realities out there, reincarnation and all that shit I know you would’ve loved if you were here._

_You were so cheesy and corny. You denied it and your cheeks turned red all the time. I know... I knew you._

He chuckled softly, sadly, tears still falling onto the paper as he remembered you and the way you tried to hide it so he wouldn’t make fun of it, so he would take you seriously.

_But I know if this shithole world we live in had never happened, if everything was like before… you would’ve never even looked at me. You are… you were too good for me. I was so scared to lose you, I was scared, knowing the piece of crap I was to you, you would go and fall in love with the first man who treats you right. When you left for Hilltop, I was wrecked… but I didn’t show it. I knew right there I was no longer your… everything, I guess. I wish I said something. Fuck, I wish I would’ve. You would’ve been back here and not with…_

_There’s no point reminding myself of that._

_Shit was done. But still you came back to me, you knew you belonged here, with me. I remember that day, doll. I remember it all, I remember how we spoke about building a future, about you and me together once this war was over. I remember how you kissed me, how you told me you’d always love me. Like we had a clue, like I wasn’t going to lose you._

_I should’ve told you what you meant to me right there, I should’ve made a fucking speech for you. I do it every fucking day to my people about almost anything. Why couldn’t I do the same for you?_

He felt a whole damn bunch of tears coming down and instantly wiped his face with his jacket’s sleeve. He stood up; his head dizzy as he saw all the mess he made. He looked at Lucille, still over his nightstand table and remembered. He grabbed it and searched for it on the wooden surface. After some seconds; there it was. A little heart carved softly and carefully between the barbed wires.

Negan sighed, wiping more tears as he remembered how you were scared about his reaction and your face lighting up when he accepted it and even liked it. Your eyes lighting up as he kissed your cheek.

He sat down again and grabbed the pen.

_So, Eugene said there is also a possibility reincarnation is real. Could you believe that, doll? Dying and just… happening again?_

_If reincarnation is real, I will hold on to that. Until we happen again; until I have the change to not let you go, until the time I don’t have to say you were the one who got away._

_Doll, I miss you so much. It hurts like hell. Why does it hurt like this?_

_Now I pay the fucking price. The price is not having you here, with me, by my side. I know I said that you were clingy but fuck I really need you right now. Truth was I wasn’t used to be loved like that, but I liked it. Instead, I almost scared you off._

_Karma is truly a bitch._

_Now I miss all that clingy. I miss your stubbornness. I miss how you’d never listen to my obligations; you’d just do what the hell you wanted to._

_I can’t replace you with a million wives._

_I am not proud to say… I tried._

_But I no longer feel like myself. I don’t feel a thing, honey. I feel empty again just as I told you I felt when Lucille died. I can’t even touch them without comparing their skin, their kisses, their voice; to you. And you are not here. Fuck. Every time I say that I feel worse._

_At the end of the day, you are still the one who got away._

_You are not here._

_You left me._

_I lost you._

_I fucking miss you so much._

_I love you my sweet girl. I will always do. You were my sunshine, my only sunshine. You made me happy when skies were gray… and you left me._

_Now everything is fucking grey._


End file.
